Hello, have I yelled at you today?

WEATHER:
- You're convinced that only people from New England have seen all four seasons.
- You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."
- You think 3 straight days of 90 degree weather is a heat wave.
- The first day after winter that's it sunny outside, you roll down all the windows of your car and pretend its summer, and even though its still 30 degrees, you refuse to roll up your windows.
- You've worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
- You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
- You consider 65 degree ocean water "warm."
- You knew people in school who wore shorts and/or crocs/birks/flip-flops all winter, because they apply "Live Free or Die" to freedom from weather.
- If your town floods, you don't wait on your rooftop to be rescued. You get in your canoe and row to the nearest city.
- You find -20F a little chilly.


TRAFFIC:
- Stop signs mean slow down a little bit, but only if you feel like it.
- Someone has honked at you because you didn't peel out as soon as the light turned green... Or you have honked at someone because they didn't peel out as soon as the light turned green.
- You know how to cross 4 lanes of traffic in 5 seconds. On foot.
- You know that a yellow light means that at least 5 more cars can make it through before it turns red.
- Your message to out-of-staters: "Welcome to New Hampshire, you'll love it here. The people are friendly, the air is clean, and there's no freer place on earth. Now speed up or pull over,"
- "Traffic" means the person in front of you is going less than 10mph over the speed limit.
- The speed limit on all main roads is 30, but you go 45 and don't flinch when you see a cop. Unless it's nighttime and you're on a road you travel a lot, because you are absolutely convinced there are speed traps in the same place every night.
- You measure distance in time: You have no idea how far it is from your home to work/school, but you know exactly how many minutes the trip takes.
- You don't choose the route with the shortest distance, you choose the route with the fewest stop signs and traffic lights.
- When faced with the option of either A. waiting at a red light, or B making a right-on-red and going the long way, you go the long way every time.
- In order to get your driver's license, you had to be able to back into a parking space, but not to parallel park.
- The speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80, and everybody is passing you.
- Schools don't close unless there's at least a foot of snow on the road that can't be plowed by 7am.
- You brake for squirrels, but not stop signs.
- $15 to park is a bargain.
- All of the potholes just add excitement to your driving experience.
- Anyone who does anything that annoys you on the road must be a Massachusetts driver. Anyone who honks for any reason must be a Massachusetts driver. You call them a Masshole and move on.
- You stay on the same road long enough, the name will change at least 3 times.


POLITICS/GOVERNMENT:
- Iowa thinks they're SO SPECIAL because their caucus is before our Presidential primary. You hate them.
- You've heard people espouse conspiracy theories...about sales tax.
- When travelling out-of-state, you try very hard not to buy anything, because sales tax is a scam.
- You know passionate Democrats, passionate Republicans, and passionate people who just vote for whoever is more convincing in their crusade against taxes.
- You're not afraid of the police. But getting pulled over really annoys you.
- You've gotten out of a speeding ticket because the cop knows your family.
- Even though you voted for Bush in 2000, you hate him, and so does everyone you know.
- You refuse to vote for anyone running for any office whom you've only met once. Even for President.
- You refuse to believe there's crime in New Hampshire. You leave your door unlocked as a matter of principle and if a cop gets shot you're like a New Yorker on Sept 12.
- You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked.


VEHICLES:
- Your car is parked outside because your snowmobiles get parked in the garage.
- You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
- Before you learned how to operate an automobile, you learned how to operate a snowblower.
- A Crown Victoria = undercover cop.
- Your first motorized vehicle with four wheels was an ATV.
- You assume that anyone with a convertible and/or RWD car has a second car to drive in the winter.
- No matter how fancy your car is, you don't wash it between October and March.
- You would buy a hybrid if it came in AWD.
- You're not fazed by the idea of someone riding a snowmobile to work.
- Even your sedan has AWD, and you don't understand how people get by without it.
- You're more impressed to see a New York license plate than a Canadian one.
- Only used cars have bumper stickers.
- Aside from school buses, all public transportation is out of the question. If you knew of any, you'd reconsider.
- You carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them.
- The transportation system is known as the "T," subway is just a fast food place.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
- Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in May.
- When there's too much "stuff" in your two-"cah" garage to get either of your cars into it.


SNOW:
- Anyone who doesn't ski is an anomaly.
- Unless skiing, you never dress for the cold more than wearing a sweatshirt. Winter coats and boots are for the weak.
- You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting."
- You think Vermont has the best skiing in the World.
- You're convinced you're better at driving in the snow than everyone else.
- When there's snow/ice/slush, anyone who's been driving for fewer than 2-5 years feels the need to drift/do donuts in parking lots and/or on rural streets.
- You know techniques for driving in a snowstorm years before you take Driver's Ed.
- You keep an ice scraper in your car year 'round.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
- Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard.
- As a child, you played outside in a snow storm without hat, mittens, scarf and with your jacket open because it was just a little cool.
- You have to replace your mailbox yearly because of the town plow.


GEOGRAPHY/LOCATIONS:
-"Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend.
- You've been to Cape Cod. And it’s called “The Cape”.
- You've been to Six Flags New England.
- if you know that its not really "Six Flags New England"... but "Riverside".
- You know what "Shaw's" and “Hannaford’s” is.
- Everyone in town over 50 goes to Florida between October and April.
- You get pissed off when people assume New York is part of New England.
- You've skipped a day of school to go to the Big E, or... you've taken a field trip to the Big E
- Any reference to "up north" means someone is going skiing in the Northern part of the state.
- You're sick of hearing that people from other New England states live in towns with the same name as yours. It's not funny anymore.
- You think UNH is better than UVM because they were too stupid to call it UVT.
- Living in a coastal state, you're impressed if someone has a beach house, but lake houses are nothing special.
- Anyone who demeans the size of New Hampshire's coastline or claims the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard is in Maine loses the right to speak.
- People from other New England States are known as Mainiacs, Massholes, Vermin, Rhode Kill, or Connecticraps. But they, along with the rest of the old Northern US, are still better than the rest of the US, which in turn is better than most of the world...with some exceptions...but not many.
- You meant to go to CVS, but you miss the turn by five feet and wind up at Walgreens; look across the street, and decide you'd better go to Brooks instead.
- Your town or a neighboring one has a rotary/circle/roundabout.
- Oral directions mess up non-New Englanders. They just can’t pronounce the town names right…
- There is only one shopping plaza in town.
- You know what an Irving is and the location of 15 of them.


FOOD/DRINK:
- Your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May.
- Chocolate sprinkles will forever be known as "Jimmies."
- You know what a whoopie pie is.
- You know what a bubbler is and you drink soda and pop someone in the face.
- It’s pronounced, “Bubbla”.
- There are 25 Dunkin' Donuts within 20 minutes of your house.
- You use your right hand to hold a coke, pepsi, dunkins' coffee, or water bottle at all times, and only use it to honk, but you never honk, and anyone who does is CLEARLY from Massachusetts
- You know what a "frappe" is, and become agitated when you try to order one out-of-state.
- You refuse anything but real maple syrup.
- You eat ice cream with flavors like 'Moose Tracks" and "Maine Black Bear".
- You know that a chocolate doughnut is not a white doughnut with chocolate frosting.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.


THE PEOPLE:
- Someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there.
- You've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
- You ever have been asked in a school hallway if you have Duct Tape on you.
- You think if somebody's nice to you, they either want something or they are from out of town and probably lost.
- Everyone is very friendly, even to strangers, unless the stranger happens to be in a car with Mass plates. Once they get out of the car, they're fine.
- You think everyone from the city has an accent.
- You go to camp every year.
- You've ever gone candlepin bowling.
- You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.
- You can play road hockey on skates.


Other New Hampshire observations...

- You use the word "wicked"
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
- When the Old Man of the Mountain fell in 2003, your out-of-state friends and relatives were surprised at how much you didn't care.
- Red Sox hats with the "B" logo are appropriate for all occasions.
- You don't LIKE Southern accents. You don't TOLERATE Yankees fans.
- Someone says "Patriot" and you immediately think of the football Team.
- Sox/Yankees games are a life and death matter.
- "E Pluribus Unum" is a motto. "Live Free or Die" is a commandment.

New Hampshire Nicknames:
-The Shire
-The We-Used-To-Have-A-Big-Rock-That-Kinda-Looked-Like-A-Face-From-The-Side-And-You-Didn't State
-Club 603

Additional State Mottoes:
-In Your Face, Vermont
-It's Wicked Sweet
-If You Make Fun of the Size of Our Coastline, We'll Run You Over with Our Mud-Drenched Lincoln Navigator.